You Are My Destiny: Or Work, Rather

There’s a song that goes: “DESTINYYYY! You are my DEST-I-NYYYY!” I don’t know any other lyrics to it; I just know that part because it often plays in Korean dramas. Although Korean dramas are over-the-top, even they know that song is just plain ridiculous so they use it for a comedic effect, to create a parody. I don’t watch Korean dramas anymore, but I grew up on them and believed in them whole-heartedly. They were too perfect: well, of course the guy secretly liked the girl back who could never tell him about her true feelings because she was never good enough for him. Oh, I wanted that kind of perfection in my life, too, but my young mind didn’t take into account that scripted and exaggerated storylines with unrealistic plots never were played out in real life. I knew the dramas were all fabricated of course, but I couldn’t help wishing for that kind of life. Haha I found the song! Oh my god it’s so dramatic; I love it.

Despite the obstacles the couple had to jump over, there was always a happy ending waiting for them in the end with a sappy melodic song playing in the background. I believed in love at first sight for a long time, admittedly. Now, as I’m writing this at the age of 21, I don’t.

Love at first sight ensures that fate will take care of everything. But I believe in work – sometimes, painful, sorrowful work that both the people in a couple have to show so that a relationship can last. I also think that a lot about maintaining a relationship with someone revolves around timing, about where both of you are in your lives and how that affects your current perceptions and beliefs. When a relationship crumbles, I don’t think it’s necessarily always the case that the love shared by the two people has deteriorated. It can still be there, strong and present, but sometimes it just isn’t enough to keep two people together. It’s mind opening, surprising and sometimes jarring of how different a person can turn out to be from your initial thoughts about them, and sometimes it can take a long amount of time for you to realize it. I’ve learned and confirmed in college that I don’t ever want to expect anything from anyone just from how I view them. Realistically, I know that this isn’t always possible, for we all have moments when we really want someone to do something to make ourselves happy. It takes practice to be selfless and truly supportive of someone you love, although we sometimes assume that those qualities naturally come with love. Love is more of a process and something that people continuously work at more than a power that always keeps a relationship intact. It’s funny because although I’ve said that I don’t believe in love at first sight (and I don’t, really), there have been several times when I just knew that I was going to click with someone. Now, this has happened only with people who turned out to become my friends, but I think the basic core of love in friendships don’t differ drastically from the love that exists in an amorous relationship. I’m not disregarding their many differences, the obvious one being a sexual component, but both of them share the same kind of sorrow and joy that comes with love. It might be that I’m pretty good at sensing people’s vibes and how they connect with mine, but there have been times when I didn’t have to utter a sole word; merely by looking at them I could tell that we were going to be friends, just like that White Stripes song. Fate can bring people together, but it’s up to us ultimately to make the relationship function.

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